


See Yourself Through His Eyes

by mountain_ash



Series: Things I Write on Tumblr dot com [32]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, Bodyswap, Derek Comes Back, Fluff, Humor, Magical Stiles Stilinski, POV Multiple, Panic Attacks, Pining, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 20:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7948330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mountain_ash/pseuds/mountain_ash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek and Stiles wake up in each other's bodies and learn to see themselves how they see each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	See Yourself Through His Eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hisagi90](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hisagi90/gifts).



> Thanks to [ Ari ](http://im-a-feather-in-the-wind.tumblr.com/) for betaing! Originally on [tumblr](http://a-mountain-ash.tumblr.com/post/150264327535/the-last-of-the-old-ones-folks-i-wrote-this-one) and loosely based on [this](http://prettiestcaptain.tumblr.com/post/60554917265/body-swap-au-its-a-morning-like-any-other) post on tumblr!

"What the--” Derek exclaimed, his voice coming out significantly lower than usual. “Oh my god.” 

Staring back at him in the bathroom mirror was none other than Stiles Stilinski. Derek wasn’t afraid to admit it to himself that were he not so completely terrified by the fact that he was currently staring down himself in Stiles’ body, he would have taken time to appreciate the rare opportunity to admire Stiles’ beauty a bit longer. As the matter stood, however, this had to be dealt with. He marched straight back to his (Stiles’) bedroom and took up Stiles’ phone in hand. 

What was Stiles’ passcode again? Derek wondered to himself as he stared at the phone screen in frustration. He tried to remember the sequence of numbers Stiles pressed the numerous times he's seen the younger man do so but he couldn’t quite get the whole thing. Each time Derek got close, his mind wandered and he lost the memory. Ugh! Why couldn't he focus?

Eventually he gave up, grabbed the keys to the Jeep, and made a beeline for the loft.

~~~~~~~~

“What the hell is this?” Stiles wondered aloud before giggling at the sound of his words coming out in Derek's voice. “Shut up, Stiles,” he reprimanded himself sharply, before chuckling harder at recreating Derek's old Sourwolf attitude. “I'm not nearly as concerned about this as I should be.”

Suddenly a loud, harsh grating noise sounded in Stiles’ ears and he cringed as he tried to block out the sound with his hands.

“Jesus Christ, werewolf hearing is horrible.”

“Stiles! Where are you?” His voice sounded from somewhere downstairs and he marvelled at how low it sounded to him with Derek’s ears. It was also raspier than he would expect. 

“Huh. My voice is kinda sexy,” he mused as he bounced downstairs more animatedly than Derek’s body would likely ever move again.

“What the hell did you do?” Derek demanded as soon as he hopped down the spiral stairs and into view of his body- wow this was weird, were his limbs really that long?

“What do you mean, what did I do? I didn’t do anything!” he retaliated immediately.

“Well you’re the one with the magic, excuse me for assuming you might have had something to do with us ABRUPTLY CHANGING BODIES,” Derek said, his volume rising uncomfortably on the final words and Stiles turned away with a cringe, once more covering his ears as though it would really block the sound out.

“Be quiet, Derek! Fuck, your hearing is so sensitive how do you deal with this?”

“I was born that way,” Derek said, his face and tone completely deadpan. 

“Oh. Right. Well maybe I’ll stop and get some earplugs. Anyway, you have to get to school! I can’t be truant anymore this year. I already missed enough because of the Dread Doctor business.”

Derek’ eyes widened comically and Stiles almost laughed at how silly he realized he looked.  


“I can’t go to school! I don’t know anything. I don’t even know what your homework was.”  


“Relax dude. We have plenty of time to sort out what you need before school actually starts.”  


Stiles found some clothes in Derek’s closet to change into and revelled in his scent as he got changed. He had thought the werewolf smelled nice for some time, but being able to smell him with werewolf senses was an enlightening new experience. Derek smelled absolutely delicious, and Stiles found himself sifting through his closet for one of the softer sweaters he knew the werewolf owned so he could surround himself with the scent. A fleeting wish that he could leave his own scent on the sweater passed through Stiles’ mind but he quickly shoved it to the back of his mind. Derek wouldn’t want that.

~~~~~~~~

Derek stared at Stiles as he drove the Jeep back to his house and found himself enjoying how it looked to see himself driving Stiles’ car. As he found himself thinking about how Stiles didn’t let anyone drive the Jeep he realized something.

“You don’t mind that I drove the Jeep here?”

Stiles looked over at him quickly in confusion. “What?”

“I drove the Jeep to the loft. Don’t you have some rule about no one driving the Jeep but you?”

“Oh, I guess I do.” Stiles furrowed his brows heavily as he thought about that and Derek was starting to understand what Stiles had said all those years ago about him being a “sourwolf.” He looked positively grumpy. “You’re a good driver though, so it’s fine.” 

Derek felt his cheeks heat up at the rare, honest compliment and he looked at himself in the side mirror to find a blotchy pink blush coating his cheeks. Dammit, why was Stiles’ blush reflex so sensitive? He would never keep his feelings a secret if Stiles figured out how to use his werewolf senses while they were switched.

As if on cue, Stiles sniffed the air loudly and Derek clenched his teeth nervously. “What’s that smell? It smells like...like…” Stiles mused aloud, seemingly unable to determine the scent’s name.

“Like embarrassment,” Derek said quietly, knowing exactly what the scent was and resigning himself to Stiles’ infuriating ability to notice everything. “It smells like embarrassment.”

“Wait. That’s a chemosignal? Hmm.” Stiles frowned down at the steering wheel for a moment as he thought through the new information. “Why are you embarrassed?”

The blush was back again and Derek turned toward the window in frustration. “You said I was a good driver,” he muttered, knowing Stiles would hear him anyway. Lying wasn’t worth the effort, Derek decided. He was sure Stiles was already starting to figure out how to listen to heartbeats. 

“Wha-” Stiles started to ask before stopping himself. “Oh.” 

A deeply uncomfortable silence settled in the car as they finished the drive to Stiles’ house and Derek did his best to keep Stiles’ distressingly fast heartbeat under control. He stepped out of the car as quickly as possible when Stiles stopped in the driveway, but his foot caught on the doorframe and he fell face-first into the asphalt. 

“Agh!” He exclaimed as pain bloomed from his palms and forearms.

“Derek! Are you okay?” Stiles yelled as he ran around the front of the car. As Derek pushed himself to stand he winced as the pressure caused his already stinging skin to burn. “Aw shit that’s gonna hurt.” Stiles winced as he saw his thoroughly skinned and scraped arms. “Let’s go get that taken care of shall we.”

As they stepped inside the Sheriff looked up at them briefly from his coffee. “Morning son.”

“Morning, Dad!” Stiles answered cheerily before realizing he wasn’t exactly the “son” the Sheriff was talking to.

“Ummm,” the Sheriff said wearily as he looked between Stiles and Derek. “Something you want to tell me, you two?”

Derek lifted a hand awkwardly in greeting. “Derek here.”

“And Stiles.”

The Sheriff simply sighed and went back to his paper. “Get to school, Derek. Figure this out, Stiles.”

“Will do, Pops.”

The sight of his body talking to a father-figure sent a long unfelt sensation of overwhelming sadness over the loss of his dad and Derek turned and took the stairs two at a time, shutting the bathroom door behind himself. Stiles followed quickly behind him.

“Derek, you okay?” His voice was gentle and quiet and Derek knew Stiles had smelled his sadness. He didn’t answer. “Was that sadness?” Stiles pushed tentatively.

“Yes.” Derek answered as he stared at Stiles face experiencing his grief. He was reminded of the day Jennifer had taken the Sheriff and Stiles had pleaded with him to let her go. “I miss saying hi. To my parents.”

The door creaked open and Stiles stepped in. He didn’t say anything but simply got a washcloth wet with warm water and soap.

“This is going to hurt. I’m sorry.” Derek clenched his teeth as Stiles brushed the cloth over his broken skin. Pain wasn’t new to him but it was as though Stiles’ pain receptors were infinitely more sensitive than his own and he found new respect for all that Stiles put himself through for the pack. Abruptly the pain faded away and he looked down to find Stiles gripping his hands, black lines trailing up his wrists and disappearing beneath his jacket.

“So that’s how that feels,” Stiles marveled quietly as he watched the black lines flow. Derek felt his heart jump erratically as he watched himself stare in awe at their linked hands, the expression so beautifully  _ Stiles _ even on his features. When Stiles looked up him at hearing the twitch in his heart beat, their eyes locked for a moment and the traitorous blush reflex returned full force. Derek pulled away quickly and reached for the gauze Stiles had gotten out for him. 

Controlling his reactions as Stiles wrapped up his arms proved almost impossible and Derek felt uncomfortable that he was reacting this way to Stiles in his body so he derailed the situation the best he could.

“Your coordination is terrible. How are you still alive?” 

A chuckle slipped from his lips. “I wonder that myself sometimes. It’s no small miracle, that’s for sure. Lots of scars on that body of mine.” Though Stiles reply had started out good-naturedly, his tone turned dark on the last revelation and he reached up toward his right shoulder as if on habit. Derek realized then how much Stiles truly kept bottled inside.

“Are you okay?” he asked abruptly. 

Stiles looked up at him sharply and didn’t answer, but it was all the answer Derek needed. 

As Stiles put his homework and books together for the day, Derek sifted through his wardrobe and found a sweatshirt that would cover most of the bandaging and a pair of his standard khakis. He wished badly that he could smell them properly, but for a moment his took the opportunity to smell Stiles the way he would were he human. 

“You ready?” Stiles asked as Derek pulled on Stiles’ worn Converse. “I told Scott and Lydia what’s up and they’ll meet us outside and help you through the day. You have at least one of them in every class, so they’ll be able to help you out.”

Derek breathed a sigh of relief at that news and started back downstairs. 

“Don’t be so nervous,” Stiles reassured him as they stepped back into the Jeep. 

“You know what that smells like now too?” Derek asked incredulously, suddenly frustrated by how much more quickly Stiles was getting the hang of being a werewolf than he was at being a human, even though he’d already done that once.

Stiles smiled self-deprecatingly. “No. I can just see it all over my face.” 

Derek had to chuckle. 

“Now just remember, pretty much nobody but the pack talks to me at school, so you won’t have to worry about knowing who people are.” 

Stiles continued to babble on about something about laryngitis, but his words fell on deaf ears as Derek got distracted by his first words.  


“Why don’t people talk to you?” he asked abruptly, definitely interrupting whatever it was Stiles was saying.  


His question received a few seconds of confused blinking before Stiles seemed to realize Derek actually wanted an answer. “Because I’m the weird kid who’s mom died and who has panic attacks in class and never shuts up and skips class regularly and is sometimes always at pretty much every crime scene in Beacon Hills. Not really the type of guy people are real keen on befriending.”

Stiles didn’t wait for Derek to respond before getting out of the car and jogging over to meet Lydia and Scott by the BHHS sign. 

Derek got out of the car more carefully and walked more hesitantly over to the pack as he distractedly realized how similar Stiles’ high school experience was to his after he’d moved to New York. How did Stiles handle the tragedy of his life so differently than Derek?

~~~~~~~~

Stiles couldn’t shake the scent that Derek had exuded as they’d run over their plan for the day. As he walked back to the loft for research, he clung to the scent in his mind let it make him feel...something. Derek had once taught him that chemosignals were first nature to born wolves, that you didn’t need to think about what they smelled like if you could just feel it. So Stiles let himself simply feel and the warmth that filled him as he focused on the scent memory was so intense he lost his breath in wonder. Admiration. Derek admired him.

That revelation sent Stiles into such a state of bemused distraction that suddenly he was back at the loft without realizing his feet had carried him the two miles to get there. What about him could Derek possibly admire so strongly? 

As he slid the massive wooden door open, Stiles realized how easy it was compared to in his human body and he stared at his arm in amazement. Once he'd learned that he was magical, just a few short months ago, Stiles had discovered that he actually did have supernaturally augmented strength, but it was apparently nothing compared to the strength in Derek's body. He thought back to all the times Derek had manhandled him back when they'd been enemies and realized just how tightly Derek had controlled himself so as to never actually hurt him. They may have been enemies, or at best reluctant allies, but Derek had apparently never lost sight of the fact that Stiles couldn't heal like he could. 

Stiles perused the small library that Derek had put together since moving to the loft and found a book about witches and picked it up. He and Derek had met one when they'd been trapped in the In Between during the Hunt and it seemed as good a place to start as any.

He read for hours without stopping, only later marveling at his ability to focus with a brain not affected by ADHD. He found evidence of witches switching consciousness with other people but couldn't find anything about them doing to it to other people. In the cases he could find that were at all related, however, there was no indication the process was harmful or irreversible.

Mid-afternoon came and brought with it a call from Derek. 

“What's up, Derek?”

“You didn't tell me you took music, Stiles.” His voice had a tight, choked sound and Stiles was very familiar with what that meant.

“Okay, Derek, it's okay. Are you having a panic attack?”

“I-I think so. This isn't what mine are like.”

“You have-” Stiles began to ask before realizing it wasn't the time. “Alright Derek. There's an inhaler in your backpack. In the right pouch. Take it.”

Over the speaker he heard the shaking noise and subsequent deep breath of Derek taking the inhaler. 

“If you need to do that again, you can. Now go to the nurse’s office. Do you remember where that is?”

“Yes.” Derek answered raggedly.

“She knows I get these. Just tell her you're supposed to be in music and she'll go tell the teacher you won't be there. I'll text Lydia for you.” 

Stiles stayed on the line until he heard Derek speak with the nurse.

“Are you coming down now?” 

“I think-think so.” Derek breathed back.

“Do you want me to stay on the line until it's done?” Derek paused for such a long time that Stiles would have thought he'd hung up if his werewolf ears couldn't hear the faint breathing through the receiver. He realized that Derek possibly still didn't know how to admit he needed help. “It's okay if you need me to stay.” 

“Okay.” Derek answered after another few moments of pause. 

“Do you want to talk or do you want want me to?”

“Me. Your voice calms me down.”

Stiles would have sworn his heart stopped at the admission, but he didn't say anything. He could tackle those implications later.

“Alright. Tell me about your day. How was Finstock’s class?”

“Confusing. And quiet. Finstock actually seemed upset I couldn't talk.” Stiles couldn't see Derek, but he felt certain that he had put air quotes on the last bit. “I guess your ridiculous must match his. He seemed a little lost.”

Stiles felt himself grin at that. He'd never really thought Finstock understood him very well. 

“You don't have lacrosse today do you? Because I've watched you play a few times but I still don't really know the rules.”

“No school year’s almost done, so the season’s over.” A blush grew on his cheeks in earnest as he realized what else Derek had said. “You've watched me play? I've never seen you in the stands.”

“I sit in the trees. I don't like all the noise.”

“Oh. Well I'm sorry I'm not very good. I'd be better if I had this werewolf strength you have.”

“That would be cheating.” Derek scoffed. Stiles smiled fondly, glad the werewolf’s humor was returning. 

“Well yeah. But that's beside the point did you play sports at school?”

“No. I'm not very good at controlling it.” Derek answered bluntly.

“You aren't?” Stiles asked, confused. “But you-” he broke off, not sure he wanted to admit how much he thought about Derek.

“But what?” 

“You control your strength so well with me.” Stiles answered quietly. “You've never forgotten how breakable I am, even when you hated me.”

“I never hated you.” 

“Neither did I.” Stiles replied. “I was just scared.”

“I know.”

They sat in silence for a while before Derek spoke again. “The panic attack started when I realized it was the same room where I met Paige.”

“Oh.” Was all Stiles could say. Derek had mentioned Paige in passing, seeming to know Peter had told Stiles about her, but he had never really talked about her. 

“I asked her what her name was and she said she would tell me if I could play any of the instruments in the room, so I played the triangle.” Derek chuckled sadly. “I never told her that I’m actually pretty good at the clarinet. I never told her a lot of things.”

“Her death wasn’t your fault, Derek.”

“I know. But my eyes never let me forget.”  


“I’ve always thought your eyes were beautiful,” Stiles whispered before freezing in horror as he realized he’d said it directly into the receiver.  


“My mom always tried telling me that,” Derek said, seemingly choosing to ignore the heart of Stiles’ confession. “Can you come pick me up? When school is over? I don’t know if I can focus well enough to drive yet and I know how much that car has been through already.”

“Sure, Derek.” Stiles answered fondly, happy Derek was saying what he needed. Also secretly happy Derek didn’t want to put the Jeep in harm’s way. “I’ll meet you at the Jeep at 3:30.”

“See you soon, Stiles.” Derek’s tone was so soft and fond that Stiles had to hang up without replying, not trusting his ability to keep his voice steady. He had never heard Derek speak like that in his life. Or had he? Was it only now that Derek was speaking with is voice that Stiles recognized the note of affection?

He took the half hour he had until classes were out to walk back to the school. As he waited by the Jeep, Stiles gathered all the resolve he had left and listened to the second hand on his watch tick. 

~~~~~~~~

Derek stumbled slowly through the hallways the moment the bell rang, still feeling lightheaded and drained by the panic attack. He recovered quickly as his body got used to moving again and he quickened his pace until he was within view of Stiles standing by the Jeep. The vision of himself waiting for Stiles after school set his heart racing and he wished it would slow down when Stiles gave obvious signs of noticing. His feet stopped moving a few feet from Stiles, as though paralyzed by the air of seriousness in Stiles’ gaze.

“When you said my voice calms you down, what did you mean?” Stiles asked firmly, the words coming out so rushed they almost fell from his mouth, one upon another. 

“I meant that you’re my anchor, Stiles.” Derek answered, each word slow and measured to counter Stiles’ rush.

“Since when?”

“I realized it when Kate kidnapped me, but probably before.”

Derek watched his lips part in shock at discovering how long it had been, and he hated seeing the hurt look in his eyes.

“Jesus, Derek. So long ago. Why didn’t you tell me before?” 

Students had begun milling around them, giving them strange looks and Derek felt exposed and raw. 

“Can we go back to the loft?” he asked, ignoring Stiles question. Stiles apparently sensed his discomfort because he nodded without argument and turned towards the Jeep as Derek tossed him the keys. 

As they sat in the safe confines of the familiar car, Stiles asked again.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Because I thought you were too young to have to deal with my shit on top of your own,” Derek answered. “I have so much shit, Stiles, and being someone’s anchor and  _ knowing it _ is a lot to tolerate, even when they’re perfectly fine.”

“You thought,” Stiles repeated pointedly. “What do you think now?”

“I think that a lot of our shit is exactly the same. I think that we’re both the kids who lost family and have panic attacks and don’t have many friends and get avoided in the hallways. We’re kids that are good at things that people don’t understand and have been involved too much with the police and have had our very inner selves violated by people who didn’t care who we were just what we could do for them.  We’re the same, Stiles and I couldn’t properly see that before today.”

Stiles glanced over at him briefly in awe before returning his eyes to the road. 

“None of that was a lie,” was all he said, his voice breathless and unsure.

“Of course it wasn’t a lie,” Derek answered irritably, frustrated that Stiles was focusing on the wrong thing.

“No I mean you really, genuinely, deeply believe that, Derek. Those weren’t just words that you think are true. Your whole…” Stiles paused as though searching for a word, “self believes it. You finally believe you’re good enough. Believe you’re worth it.”

The truth in his statement couldn’t be denied and Derek looked down at his (Stiles’) hands where they twisted self-consciously in his lap.    


“I guess I do,” he replied simply before a more concerning thought occurred to him. “Do you?”

“Do I what?” Stiles asked in confusion as he turned into Derek’s lot.

“Do you think you’re worth being my anchor?”

~~~~~~~~

The question was a simple one, but Stiles had to think on it for several long moments. Since meeting one another a little over two years ago, Stiles had been with Derek and grounded him for nearly every important event in his life. He had harbored him from the police and saved him from certain death and comforted him when his pack member was murdered. Stiles fear for his father had even been enough to draw Derek out from under Jennifer’s love spell. As he finally managed to put aside his self-doubt and feelings of inferiority, Stiles could see exactly how he had become Derek’s anchor.

“Yeah, I do.” His voice was quiet yet firm, and he could feel the smile pulling his cheeks up. In that moment of genuine happiness, Stiles found himself wishing he could see the smile for himself on Derek’s face and suddenly he could.

Derek stood before him on the driver’s side of the Jeep and Stiles caught the brief glint of his beautiful smile before his lips parted in the same confusion that Stiles was feeling.

~~~~~~~~

“Excellent,” a vaguely familiar female voice sounded out of nowhere. Stiles and Derek both startled simultaneously and moved together towards the front of the Jeep where they could face the woman standing near the loft’s door. “I was expecting this to take much longer, but you both are really very efficient together.”

“Who’re-” Stiles began to ask until he looked at her a little more closely and realized who she was.

“Addie?” Derek asked, recognizing her only a moment or two before Stiles.

“Hello again, boys.” The delight in her voice was contagious and Stiles and Derek found themselves smiling at the reacquaintance. “I was hoping you would still remember me after getting out of the In Between.”

Addie was a witch who had been taken by the same Hunt that had taken Derek and Stiles just a few months prior. She had lost her coven many long years ago and as a result had not had enough power to escape capture. 

“Did you do this to us?” Stiles asked incredulously. He was inclined to be angry but Addie was such a gentle soul that if she was responsible, it was with nothing but good intentions. When she nodded happily he asked, “Why?”

“Because I thought that you would figure out what you meant to each other after what happened in the In Between, but you’re both so-” She paused and a look of troubled concentration crossed her face before she spoke again. “Well you both just don’t like yourselves very much and it was getting in the way. I wanted you to learn how to love yourselves the way you love each other.”

A deep flush spread across both Stiles and Derek’s faces and Stiles waved his hands in front of his body fretfully.

“Woah, Addie. We don’t- we don’t love each other.” His tone started strong but his words faltered awkwardly, and Derek looked over at him with a pained expression as he heard the lie in his heart beat. 

“Oh, psshh,” Addie dismissed with a wave of her hand. “I saw how you two were in the In Between. Everyone in the In Between could see it. You’re both just too hard on yourselves to let yourselves think you deserve it.”

Stiles and Derek looked cautiously over at one another, uncertainty painting their features despite the clarity of her words. 

“Is that what being someone’s anchor means? That you love them?” Derek nodded hesitantly and Stiles took a shuddering breath. “Is that also part of why you never told me?”

“I was scared how you would react if you ever found that bit out.” 

“I would’ve-” Stiles began to argue before realizing it probably would have been a lie. “Okay, yeah I probably would have freaked out a bit back then.”

Derek chuckled, strangely relieved by Stiles’ willingness to admit that he would not have always liked that kind of affection from Derek.

“Alright, well. You two seem like you’ve sorted it out so I’ll be going now,” Addie interjected cheerfully.

“Wait!” Stiles said. “Do you want to stay for dinner? I’m sure my dad won’t mind. He’ll just be happy we’re ourselves again.”

A strangely vulnerable look of gratitude softened Addie’s trademark spirit and she smiled thankfully. “That would be wonderful, thank you.”

As Stiles drove them back to his house, he held Derek’s hand tightly in his and resolved never to let go again.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments always appreciated and come visit me on [tumblr](http://a-mountain-ash.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
